The Apple indeed does not fall far from the tree....

First off, I really do not know where this is going, it is a fledgling thought that I am going with. Also, while this may rattle off into nothingness, let it be known that I love my Father as much as a son possibly can, however I am not sure of the portrait I am about to paint and try to draw similarites to.

I seem to be on the vurge of making a decision (I think) my Dad made. That decision is to become some sort of hermitt. My Dad and I share many of the same traits. We are intelligent, witty, sarcastic, fairly attractive in our own ways, and seem to be void of all motivation. Not in as much, as motivated to get out of bed everyday or hold a job, those things we excell at. The motivation to better themselves, beit vocationally, financially, socially, or even if we want someone to share our lives with.

I wish I knew why this was. I really do. Potential is a word we both know all too well, living up to it, is a sadly different thing to understand. I (and I cannot possibly speak for my Dad here) have never felt lacking in relationship to stacking up against other people. Infact, I think I line up pretty well with anyone I could encounter. Not in the way where I feel better, I just think I can hold my own on most levels of life. However, when I (and I have been doing alot of this lately) take inventory of what I have, and what I have accomplished..... It is quite astounding how little I have seemingly done, and that hurts.

Most would say, be thankfull for what you have, and what you posess, because there will always be those with less. I agree, but it still does not make me feel much better. Now, it is not like I do not have anything... I mean I have fantastic friends, folks who have been with me for more than half my life. I have newer friends, those whom I will always hold in high regard and thank them for the times, laughs, and tears we have shared.

I suppose I am at the perverbial fork in the road. I can head straight and keep wallowing in this current funk I seem to be in. Or, I can blaze a new trail....... however that trail is barren and black, offering me no glimpse of what I can expect or even how to start it. All I really know is, at the end of both paths I will eventually have to look at myself in the mirror again, and I can only guess what will be staring back at me......
and THAT scares the ever loving shit out of me.